Tuesday, December 23, 2008

An Ottawa Christmas Carol - Three Ghosts Visit Stephen "Ebenezer Scrooge" Harper

Harper's ghosts come haunting


Bill Tieleman’s 24 Hours Column

Tuesday December 23, 2008

External heat and cold had little influence on Scrooge. No warmth could warm, no wintry weather chill him. No wind that blew was bitterer than he.

- Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol, 1843

Christmas Eve was a dark and snowy night on Parliament Hill.

Ebenezer "Scrooge" Harper was in the Prime Minister's office, a frigid place because Harper refused to buy coal to heat it.

There was a knock on the door - Harper opened it to find Michael Ignatieff and Jack Layton there.

"What do you want?" Harper demanded.

"Why, it's Christmas, Ebenezer! We'd like you to be charitable and run a budget deficit to help the less fortunate!" the Liberal and New Democrat leaders said.

"Bah, humbug!" replied Harper. "The money would only go to the poor and needy, not the banks and big businesses that really deserve it. Go away!"

That night, Harper awoke suddenly from his sleep. At his bed was a glowing apparition, wrapped in clanking chains.

"Who ...who are you?" asked a scared Harper. "And what's with the nervous laugh?"

"Heh-heh-heh! I am Joe Clark, the Conservative Ghost of Christmas Minority Governments past," said the spirit.

"It was near this time in 1979 when I lost my government to Pierre Trudeau and the Liberals in a confidence vote because I couldn't count. Ebenezer Harper - reform and repent - or resign!" Clark intoned before disappearing into thin air.

A shaken Harper drifted back to sleep but was awoken when yet another ghost appeared.

"Ebenezer Harper - I am the Ghost of Conservatives Leaders Who Ignored Advice," the spirit said.

"I'm Kim Campbell and I squandered Brian Mulroney's huge majority government in 1993 by not listening!"

"That's true!" shouted Harper. "We won only two seats - is that my fate for not listening, too?"

But Campbell was gone. Harper tried to sleep but a third ghost, the scariest yet, appeared.

"Preston Manning preserve me, who are you?" said Harper.

"The Ghost of Prime Ministers Future," the spirit shouted. "Come with me."

Harper and the ghost swirled through time itself and arrived at the House of Commons in 2015.

"What fearsome sight have you concocted to frighten me, spirit?" Harper asked. But the ghost merely pointed to the prime minister's office door.

The door slowly opened - and Harper screamed in terror.

"No, no, it can't be," he cried, falling to his knees. "I'll reform, I'll repent, I'll even run a deficit! But this cannot happen!"

For there, sitting in the prime minister's chair, was young Justin Trudeau.

"As my father Pierre used to say, just watch me," Trudeau smiled. "Now fuddle-duddle off!"

Best wishes to all for a wonderful and safe Christmas holiday season and a Happy New Year!


DPL said...

Would he listen? Of course not as he is all knowing. The only economist in Canada who refused to see a recession coming down the road. I've voted through Dief, Joe, Kim, Brian and will live throught this present clown.

Somehow never bought the BS from any one them so never voted for any of them either. Let's see how long he will last before getting turfed and he ends up in the Frazer Institute and gets to be called professor or whatever it is those guys call each other.

Happy Holidays to all who read this blog, even the ones that I disagree with .

Anonymous said...

""The 1843 story that Charles Dickens wrote.....Christmas Carol and created the character of Ebenezer Scrooge who was the "squeezing, wrenching, grasping, scraping, clutching" miser", never, ever wore a poppy.

WWI hadn't happened.

Hey Bill, couldn't you find a photo that was just a plain jane Stephen Harper?

DPL said...

Sorry to post two in a row Bill, but it seems harpo has been named the media person of the year. That shouod get the blogs going full bore.

Eleanor Gregory said...

I was listening to Mark Forsythe this afternoon on CBC. He was doing his annual "Talk to Santa" show where children are encouraged to phone in and tell "Santa", who has just dropped into the CBC for a visit, what they want for Christmas and to sing a song. Part way through the show Mark Forsythe mentioned that Jason Kenney had just announced that Canada had made Santa an honourary Canadian citizen. "Santa" didn't miss a beat. He said, "does that mean I could become a Senator?"

Merry Christmas Mr. T.

Anonymous said...

The only visit that could induce "Scrooge" Harper to change his ways is a visit from the "Ghost of Pollsters Present". As long as the polls show him well ahead of his nearest rival, it will be business as usual for "Mr Scrooge".

North Van's Grumps said...

Don't you just love the internet?

Read a name and with "copy", "drag", "search" for "Jason Kenney" on Google, the first hit to come up on 501,000 found, is this:

Poof!!!! "this is a test site"

You betcha Conservatives, your Party longing for another term will be short lived ..... remember Kim Campbell!

Does anyone remember the Liberal Sponsorship Scandal?

Which party to choose from that hasn't had a scandal.

morven said...

Charles Dickens wrote as a social reformer using the wrtten English language as a weapon for social change.

Who among us is using the English language in the internet era for social change or is the cacophony of blogs drowning out the voices for change ? But plaudits to Bill Tieleman for trying to focus on issues not rants.